Thursday, June 30, 2005
...
s e n s e d @ 6:12 PM
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
I'm happy to be back in school.
But I'm trying to run away from reality.
I'm trying my best.
But will it pay off?
I'm feeling scared.
But who's there to comfort me?
I'm suffering in silence..
But who knows what's going on in me?
I'm having bad headaches for days..
But why so?
I'm going back to old days of P6, poping panadols everyday.
But where's my source of panadol?
I'm lost.
But where's my guiding torch?
I'm tired.
But am I allowed to rest?
I wanna go home...
But where is my home?
s e n s e d @ 8:09 PM
Saturday, June 25, 2005
It took so long for the walkie talkie ear-phone's feeling to fade away from my ears...
Wohoo~
One more day to go...
And I'll be seeing all my Darlings in school once again!!!
I can't wait.
Even tuition days didn't allow me to see all... and they weren't even enough!
But somehow I'm feeling scared.
Vonne, yes. It'll be most memorable thing of red cross. It'll always be.
Haha... seems like so many peolple are attracted to red cross.
No 1 big fan is Val. So super amused with the things we do... haha.
Jieming and her rubbish of wanted to have double cca.. red cross as the other and...
Bter! Haha.. ya..if only you had been eligible to join the camp. =)
There's one person I forgot to thank in my previous entry.
Miss D Chng!
Thank you for boing so nice.. and for being so encouraging.. and of course the ice cream treat!
s e n s e d @ 11:02 AM
Friday, June 24, 2005
Camp has ended.
Somehow it means the end of our time is nearing.
Soon it'll be POP followed by Farewell...
But it's true that 'there's always an end to every start but a start to every end'.
If I didn't remember wrongly I've read somewhere that says 'An end is only the beginning'.
My thighs are still aching.
It's a waste that our (Vonne & I) efforts have gone to waste.
But I guess as long as we've done our part, there's nothing to regret, no matter what.
Oh manx.
I really wished that camp had been longer...
But it's nice the way it had been too.
Short and sweet.
Too long might not have turn out well.
I wonder if the campers had realized that we haven't been really strict.
Vonne, did you ever think why we had been so nice?
Was it cause we're just too nice and can't bring ourselves to be nasty?
I think we just can't bring ourselves to do it.
At least it's that case for me.
Slack the camp may be in discipline.
Activities had been taxing though.
Esp Xiao Bao's circuit training. Haha.
But I really wish that they had enjoyed the camp.
Somehow I have no idea what's our aim of the camp.
To bond is a sure thing.
To improve the standard or to enjoy??
It puzzles me...
Whatever it is.
It's over.
There's so many of you to thank...
It'll always be you all who have made it possible.
My Squadmates.
Wen Wen,
Thanks for allowing me to hug you.. and for allowing me to bear my heart to you. Heex. We have a similar thing in us, don't we? Heex. I really love hugging you.
Ariana,
Thanks for leaving a comical memory. You and your visiting toilet habit never fail to amuse me.
Yun,
Thanks for being so crappy and stuff. You sure did make a diff. It had been fun to be taking the same group as you for Orienteering.
Boon,
Thanks for all your rubbish. It added some fun..though you tend to a little irritating at times. You can be really nice.. just that a little hard to handle. You made a diff to orienteering.
Jess,
Thanks for being nice to me at times... You and your BHBness.. and you and your baby. haha.
Lee Si,
Thanks for preparing the meals.. putting up with my nonsense of eating late. Doing all the accounts. It's not easy to handle money. Thanks.
Sarah,
Thanks for preparing the meals...
Yun Shuen,
Thanks for doing sentury duty with me. For adding amusement when you're standing beside Fiona.
Shilpa
Thanks for helping to look after the casualties.
Sing Joo,
Thanks for planning all the firedrill with Si Hua.. I may be mean on you with my words.. but I don't really mean them...
Vonne, my dearest chairperson.
Thanks for doing almost everything. I didn't feel that I was of much help. But not totally useless though. Thanks for everything that you've done. I love you so much!
Si Hua, pretty secretary.
Thanks for doing so much paper work and many things.
Fiona, cute head of log
Thanks for doing all the logistic. It sure had been tough on you. You and your cute face as well. Haha.
Xinyi,
Thanks for all the help you've given.
Lijie, blur and cute maintenance partner
Thanks for all the things you've done.. eg logistics.. maintenence. and your funny laughter and sneeze. Hahaa..
Sheena,
Thanks for being my buddy for firedrill and for helping me take pictures! For war game as well!
Elga,
Thanks for planning the management crisis.. it's ok. Don't stressed over it.
Eve,
Thanks for the field cooking. It had turned out well. So no worries!!
Bao Hui,
Thanks for letting us cut short your PT time.. in order to 'save' our schedule.. and for your torturous circuit training.. haha.
Juliana,
Thanks for all the help.. you've been rather quiet.. but we know of your existence and presence.
A BIG THANKS to ALL of YOU!!!
s e n s e d @ 10:18 AM
Monday, June 20, 2005
Father's Day...
What have I done?
No. I didn't pay respect to him...
I only thought of him at night...
I had problem sleeping.
But I doubt that I was thinking of him.
Went with her to stock up on stationery.
Went to Bakerzin.
Had Warm Chocolate Cake.
Sop, I promise that I'll treat you to it, one day.
Do allow me to do that.
Mum's msg made me almost want to burst out in tears when I was in Popular.
I believe that one day we'll be able to reunite and live as a family again.
One fine day.
We will.
Happy Father's Day daddy...
s e n s e d @ 9:37 AM
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Last week left...
I'm worried.
I'm excited.
Everything will be over soon...
There'll be nothing left but fears.
***************************************
Vonne, heex. I'm so excited about camp!!! Hahaha... if only money could be printed so easily... manx. There sure is lots to cut... so mini.. you wanna kill me right? But it's ok la.. Jus hope that I can finish on time.. when my aunt is not home.. haha. Jia You for camp as well!!!
val, heex. I love you too!!
rae, thanks thanks. Everyone will experience their pain and hurt... it's the matter of how we accept it... don't worry, I will cheer up... cause that's how life will be a more worthwhile journey made. Right?
malita, err... i don't like jielun. So don't think I'm buying.. =P It's so cheap can't you afford?? But if you really want I can buy it for you... haha. Why it made me glad to see you? To let you know that somehow you matter in my cause of life? To show you that I acknowledge your presence.. in this world.. and hopefully that makes you happy.. =) not miss-able though.. haha
s e n s e d @ 11:35 AM
Thursday, June 16, 2005
A really great advice from David Deida.
Give yourself to love itself, without a shred of you remaining.
Die
completely into loving.
When you return, when your sense of self is
recollected,
you will be refreshed through and through,
washed awake by
the innocence lying wide on the other side of surrender.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Met up with mum.
Guess I was being over sensitive.
Made her cry cause I cried in front of her.
Learnt more on how to live on happily from her.
Education does not teach one how to live...
My mum is one good example.
Mr & Mrs Smith.
Brad Pitt is so gorgeous!!!
Argh!!!
It's a great movie.
marriage is a good thing I suppose.
s e n s e d @ 2:51 PM
You are a happy happy person. Either that or you hide your depression very well. You are so hyperactively happy you'll probably be overqualified if you were to work as Ronald for McDonald's. You don't bottle your happiness. You go out of your way to make people laugh, even if that means making them a photocopy of your naked ass.
Which Singaporean Blogger Are You?
haha... did this quiz cause Val asked me to...
I'm a happy happy person in front of others... sometimes.
But I'm really one who bottle everything up... 'hide (my) depression very well'.
Haha... but I really disagree with the last part.. cause I WON'T show people my naked ass just to make them happy!!! =P bleah~
s e n s e d @ 2:45 PM
Monday, June 13, 2005
It's the second time that I'm feeling this way.
She cursed and hung up.
I didn't hang up on her.
Why would I wanna hang up on her?
The first thing she said when she called was, 'Are you very busy?'
There's tinge of anger and sadness in her voice.
I can't blame her for feeling this way can I?
For I'm the one at fault.
Half the holiday gone then looked for her.
She must have been waiting for me all these while.
Not that I can help it.
Busy with work.
And my aunt is so against me going out, esp if I were to visit my mum.
I cired after hanging up.
It's painful.
It hurts, it really does.
I don't like it when she uses harsh tone on me.
I'm scared.
Maybe cause after all these years, she never scolded me or shouted at me.
It took me so long to get over the last episode.
Now that it happened again.
I don't know how I'll be like when I see her on Wed.
I really don't like it.
I know shee needs my attention.
I need her's too right?
But I doubt I'll be meeting her often after this Wed.
How will she take it?
It's going to hurt her real deep.
Funny.
I'm feeling so scared of her now.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is why I say my life will not be led without pain.
s e n s e d @ 4:29 PM
Sunday, June 12, 2005
The fears are back to haunt me.
The fears of failing.
I'm so afraid of failing.
That I can't even make it for prelims.
Jus look at me.
I never seem to pass this particular subject.
Will I pass it when prelims come?
How will I do for O's?
2 weeks of holidays is way long gone.
What have I done?
Haven't even completed all my homework.
Somebody just bash me up.
Wake me up.
Coming 2 weeks will be hectic.
I haven't even visited my mum.
How heartless can I get.
I really don't know what I am doing.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I can't stand the pain
I can't make it go away
s e n s e d @ 4:09 PM
Friday, June 10, 2005
(: Yet another good day :)
I Love sharing with you Sop,
It all tasted so much better cause I share them with you.
Things always seems to be so bright when I'm with you.
Thank you darling, I love you so much.
You never fail to brighten my day, please stay sunny.
Starbucks warm choclate cake and potato salad rocks!!!
The little white serviettes so sweet...
Yeah~ I'm still addicted to tau hua though. X_X
Went to doc.
I think the doc took advantage of me,
cause he was staring at my tummy for a long time.
My tummy so ugly.. he still look so long. -_-
Haiz. I need at least 6 months for my white spots to clear...
Eeeee...
But today was a Happy Day!!!
Thanks to all of you who make my day a good one. ^_^
s e n s e d @ 9:37 PM
Thursday, June 09, 2005
I never had such fun for long...
It's been a long long time since I had fun with you, Eve.
Lijie, thanks too.
You added much fun.
Val too!
Today has been a great day so far...
Except for the small part that she called and 'scolded' me for wasting time.
Other than that, everything had been great.
Val, you know how good I felt talking to you about that incident again?
Cause I always feel that you were still a little angry with me.. not saying you're petty.
But at least now I know what you really feel...
A great load is lifted off.
Another load is lifted off my heart?
I seriously can't believe that I am telling you all these.
They aren't all that I have to say...
But most of it has been told to you.
Haha~!
What a great day!
I'm not going to lead a selfish life.
I wanna make everyone happy... even if it's on the expense of causing myself some misery.
It's ok.
But don't make use of me.
I won't do that if it is to hurt me deeply in turn..
That's how I'm going to lead my life.
BIG SMILE for TODAY!
=)
j-wen, your birthday has been a good day for me..
Hope it's a SUPER WONDERFUL day for you!
Happy Birthday!
bter, I had a dream about you.. haha.
s e n s e d @ 5:47 PM
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
I"M A BIG SELFISH A**H**E.
VONNE, I'M SO SUPER SORRY.
Thanks for being so tolerant of all my selfishness...
Leaving you to do lots of things..
Guess there's nothing that I can really do to make up for it..
Sorry that you have to put up with such a incapable person like me.
I feel that I've made no contributions at all...
I don't deserve all that I have.
s e n s e d @ 7:07 PM
I'm such an id**t.
Making you so pissed.
So insensitive.
I think I really deserve no friends...
Cause I'll just end uo irritating everyone of you.
Best is to be all alone in this world...
Isn't that so?
I'm not trying to gain sympathy here.
But this is really how I feel.
I don't mean anything to anyone, let alone to this world.
Yay!!
All alone how nice.
Wu Qian Wu Gua.
I really didn't mean to treat you like that.
Do allow me to say it again.
I'm SORRY.
s e n s e d @ 6:59 PM
It no longer hurts...
Call me heartless.
But why should I allow myself to be hurt by such things?
I realized that I can be a hard-hearted person...
Once I'm hurt and that's the end of it.
Unless you want a new begining.
But that will take a long time...
I can't believe that I'm so Heartlesss!!!
s e n s e d @ 10:03 AM
bter, heex. The rose pic nice? Haha... I took it. [^^" ]
yvonne, no worries! It's ok. I understand.. though a little taken a back... =P
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Phew~
What a great sigh of relief I can make!!
Finally told her about the annual camp that I have to attend..
Haha... fortunately she was in good mood.
Told her quite a number of things last night... including the white spots that I have...
Talking about white spots.. it's such a chore to bath now.. haiz.
Why must I have it??? So ugly!
Oh wells... hopefully it'll go away soon.. (X_X)
Going for lit seminar later..
Can't wait to see Sop...
I miss you...
s e n s e d @ 9:42 AM
Monday, June 06, 2005
you-, heex. thanks a lot... don't really know what else to say.. but thanks. ^_^ We do go through ups and downs in life.. but it's all the encouragements that helps one be able to experience the ups after the downs... yup. So thanks.. I'll be going uphill soon.. I hope. =P
bter, I don't want to be the only one smiling.. you must smile with me too!! I really care for you.. x^_^x
SOPHINA, what happened??? Argh!!! Must be a big jerk.. make my Soppy so sad... never mind.. pour all your sadness to me tomorrow.. I'll make sure I empty all of those that I have.. so no matter how much you have.. I'll be able to take them all. =) Meanwhile bear with it!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm really happy today!!
Yeah!!
Long time never had training in the morning...
Miss the good old days... even the days when we were juniors..
Discovered this shop selling tau hua when Val and I were walking to PP Mac..
Manx. The tau hua there ROCKS!!!
So smooth...
So silky!
Hahaha... but I like the Selegie one too...
All are nice!
Next time can have tau hua more often...
Don't have to only wait for tuition days... Haha!!
But of course need to find people to go with me... or else very lonely.. X_X
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Val, do take care... you really look so beaten...
So tired.
Take time to recharge yourself.. it's really not the time for you to keep going down and down.
I'm sure she wouldn't want you to be like that.
Jia You.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Happier now... but I have one big worry..
How to tell my aunt that I still have a over night camp to go through this holiday??
Argh~~!!!
s e n s e d @ 5:38 PM
Sunday, June 05, 2005
bter, don't worry. It's not a pressure each time I hear you tell me to stay strong... they are ENCOURAGEMENTS. So no worries... I hope you don't get tired of encouraging me though. =P I won't dwell in the past. I'll move on with my head held high, keeping the lessons learnt in my heart. p^_^q I'll jia you. You too!!
SOPHINA, you forgot something... you didn't quote Kingshaw! Haha... but cannot quote him also right? Cause his f*** is filled with hatred. I know yours is so filled with Love!! I Love you too!
I LOVE ALL OF YOU,
I REALLY DO!!
esp you, Sop and Bter.
I feel so blissful!!
I am really alright. ^_^ You'll all see me smile and laugh happily unless something is to happen again. But I'll get over each of them and conquer them all!! Yeah!!
s e n s e d @ 10:46 AM
Saturday, June 04, 2005
I'm really dumb. stupid. a fool. and whatever word you can think of that's related to being silly.
I know what lies in there and yet I go on looking deep in.
and subject myself to all the hurt.
Stupid right?
I'm not going to go there anymore.
It hurts.
I'll make myself not feel this way one day.
That will be the day when I emerged victorious.
I will be fine.
I will be fine.
I will be and I will be...
Time is all I need...
Time will heal all wounds...
Scars make up a piece of art.
Body art.
of rather art of the Soul?
Anyway what more larger scars will I get?
Comparable to those I got in my childhood?
I don't think so...
So don't worry about me.
These is not the worse I have gone through..
There were worse nightmares in the past...
s e n s e d @ 12:39 PM
I'm not going to wallow in self pity.
Cause I'm so loved.
Loved by-
my mum (though she's not with me all the time)
Bter
Shuen Lin
Sophina
Val
(all of you mentioned, tell me if you don't love me =P)
and who knows many others...
So why should I be so affected by that one person?
It's not worth it.
Since you don't appreciate me, I shouldn't probe into it right?
Yup.
It's all going to stop right here.
No more extra care and concern for you.
Not unless you come looking for me, cause I'll still term you as my friend.
Thanks for allowing me to grow... to learn.
s e n s e d @ 12:20 PM
SOPHINA, now that you know what's bothering me... call me silly. I think I'm being so stupid to get upset over it... But I can't help it. I really need to get out of it... But it seems I'm always being subjected to all the pranks.
bter, of course you can say a 'bigg ILU'!! Heex. I will take care. Cause I promised to. Haha.. that person is not human. I won't care about that person anymore.. at least try not to. Cause it's not worth it? Ya. I will care for people who appreciate me.. eg, you! not to miss out my Sop, Val and many others..
feliciaaa, it's true.. what you say is so true... thanks. ^_^ I'll keep it to heart.
s e n s e d @ 12:13 PM
Friday, June 03, 2005
I never knew that I had fallen so deep...
I thought that I have gotten myself out of it.
And that I was giving you pure concern.
Pure concern for a friend.
But I was wrong.
I was living in self-denial...
Till I actually felt hurt when I saw what I found.
Hurt. Or should I say jealousy?
I wish I could delete your number from my phone.
I wish that I could never see you again
Till I'm sure that I'm not feeling that way for you.
But I couldn't bear to leave you in this state, cause you're my friend.
So what if I really treat you as a friend whom I really care for?
I doubt I'll ever mean as much as you mean to me.
Not even half.
I'm just a fool. A FOOL of the 21 century.
I should stop thinking so much about you.
I should stop caring for you.
Cause I realized all I get in return is misery.
Nothing but MISERY.
dik dab a llits era y em llet uoy y wonk i won
s e n s e d @ 10:00 AM
bter, don't worry. I'll keep my promise to you. Trust me, ya? Thanks for always being so encouraging... I really really wanna say a big I LOVE YOU!! ^_^ Smiles. Don't always be the one cheering me up. Should you ever need me must also let me know!! Don't so selfish. I share my 'bitter choc' with you.. you must also share yours with me. =P
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm feeling much better today.
Wasn't feeling well yesterday...
Good sleep really do make a big difference...
Oh wells... tuition later... wonder if I'm going to have my tau hua...
Hmm... craving for it now.
I miss you Sop...
But I miss my mummy more....
s e n s e d @ 9:19 AM
Thursday, June 02, 2005
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to be like that.
I don't know why... but I just feel so down.
I can't find the specific thing that makes me feel like that.
I think guilt is one of them.
I'm feeling guilty that I haven't been to visit her for 3 months.
I think the main reason is I think too much. Worry too much for others.
I just wish that I'm not such a sensative person. But I can't help it.
I have no choice.
I hope I won't have sleepless night anymore... cause it cause me to feel lousy.
[PMS]
s e n s e d @ 10:54 AM
The melancholic aura surrounding you dulls my world
Seeing the tears well in your eyes, my heart stopped.
As they trickled down your cheeks, it began to split.
The icy cold tears froze my heart.
They came like daggers as they streamed down your face.
My heart got stabbed today.
.:31st May 2005:.
s e n s e d @ 10:50 AM
