Thursday, August 30, 2007
Impact.Think.
Right now, I just have lots and lots of thoughts going through my mind.
Conscious thinking.
They manifested as a result of attending LL module, triggered by the people I met, things that I went through.
There is really really so much that I want to put into words, so that I have something to remind me in future.
I felt appreciated.
I realized that people around me do notice all the small little things that I do.
Some of which I wasn't even aware of because I merely acted as who I really am.
It feels really good to have people telling me how my presence made an impression in them.
What really surprised me and set me thinking is that I was told by a fellow team mate that I came across as a wise person to him.
It had never never crossed my mind that I am a wise person.
I really wonder how come he thinks I'm wise.
Should really think deeper into it.
But he is one person who set me into thinking deeper into things.
Almost everything.
When I tried to be more aware of my thinking,
I felt empty.
It's like I will do things without that conscious thinking.
Not without thinking.
Just that I don't Feel the thinking. Not the formation of sentences or anything.
But I just say them out.
Just like how I really am whenever I am preparing for exams, test and answering the questions as I read them. I really want to know Why I don't feel that conscious thinking.
But there are at times that I really think with much conscious.
To the extent of spelling them word by word in sentence structure.
The mind is a powerful thing isn't it?
But how much thinking is appropriate?
Do we need to spend so much time thinking into things that we let every other things just past us by?
But for now I really want to let my mind think.
And I really feel like trying to cultivate this into a good habit.
To Reflect.
After going through so much...
Some of my past reflections seem really negative.
But I guess they do serve a purpose.
To allow myself to be aware of my negative thoughts instead of trying to avoid them.
I don't know... but right now...
there's so much and so much...
It may be the after camp effect, but really.
It's a good favour that I'll be doing for myself to be thinking what I really feel inside.
They next time you feel down.
Reflect... and be brave to face what is really deep within you...
It may turn out scary... but there are surprises as well.
Argh... I just wish that whatever that comes to my mind can be typed out just as they cross my mind.... so that I can capture everything...
But I guess I'll just stop here and continue another time....
Less than 2hr sleep a day is really taking a effect in me....
Think. Reflect.Labels: Reflections
s e n s e d @ 3:12 PM
Sunday, August 26, 2007
multiple
I felt Turned Off-ed.
When you know too much about somebody's life,
who isn't of much direct concern to you,
I supposed you'll feel like your stomach had been churned inside out.
Stranger friend.
Feel that you've know someone quite well?
For all you know,
he might just turn out to be a total stranger after all
Month of September.
Mom's birthday.
I have always wanted to spend one good day with her,
treat her to something nice, go for a movie then some shopping together.
But that will never be the case.
That is why I am envious of kids with their moms.
OG's birthday.
It had been years since I am able to contact him, let alone wish him.
He never left contacts whenever I hear from him during Christmas.
I miss those years when we exchanged emails.
Such a good friend to have...
Distractions in Life.
Maybe it's time to find somethings to occupy my too active mind and thoughts.
To be distracted from all the nonsensical thoughts.
Tell me, what will be good?Labels: Reflections
s e n s e d @ 12:51 AM
Friday, August 24, 2007
Stubs.
I think men of a certain age are very attractive.
They have a kind of Charm that only matured men posses.
Guys with quite a lot of facial hair are attractive too.
Not too long though.
My younger brother will be handsome.
Because he is one of the boys who has quite a massive amount of facial hair. =p
Labels: Feelings
s e n s e d @ 11:05 PM
Thursday, August 23, 2007
Wait.
It's over.
Really over. Hopes dashed. Maybe.
This exam period had been really different.
Not simply due to the schedule that the papers were side by side on 4 days, alternating morning and afternoon.
But there were LOTs to study.
Additional element of challenge : cXL.
Mr cXL,
sorry if I couldn't answer all your questions on the logic behind the mechanisms.
But I hope I did help you see some light.
Anyway, I really must thank you for asking those weird questions that set me thinking.
I realized that I am a person who study things as they were thought to me.
Understand as the way they were presented to me.
I do not think deeper.
Is that why I am not a good student?
That I don't excel?
I will not say that I will do well for all my papers.
But there's really nothing I can do.
Blame myself for starting to study too late.
Next semester will be a different case.
That is one big thing that I have made a promise.
~*~*~
I met my primary 1-3 classmate on the way home yesterday.
We never spoke all those times that we met.
Maybe cause my face had been too black, that I pretended not seeing her.
But I had decided to smile at her yesterday.
We talked.
Know a little about each other's present.
But one thing that all old school mates meet up can always talk about is the past.
We are always taught not to hold on to the past, but isn't the past that make what we are today?
My past - I was never close with her.
But I am glad that she readily talked to me, about our school mates, about how she longed to go back to those happy carefree days.
~*~*~
My mind couldn't feel the happiness and the sense of relief when the last answer script had been submitted.
Maybe because there weren't the sense of confidence I felt for my answer scripts like I did in year one.
I was bothered over how badly I will do due to all the answers that I could have generated if I had done a more thorough preparation.
But all's over.
~*~*~
First time going to somewhere with HQ and Kym.
Island Creamery - sooth some of the bitterness I was feeling.
~*~*~
881.
It's a good movie.
That is why I say Royston Tan is good.
Good looking too. Seen him in person.
Laughters and tears.
When the problem can't be solved.
You just have to wait.
Wait and it'll be yours.
What does the person do if he doesn't have enough time to wait?
How long does one have to wait for something?
In other words, how long should one hold onto something?
I do agree that when certain things can't be solved,
time will tell it all....Labels: Reflections
s e n s e d @ 10:10 PM
Saturday, August 18, 2007
Mood-less
Finally finished going through one round of all the modules.
But nothing much is up in there....
Left with less than 2 days to the first paper....
Worst thing is,
I have no mood to study at all...
and yet I really want to do not too badly.
Settled down at 10am.
I spent all my time walking in and out of the room...
and now I'm online... doing don't know what.
Writing this... listening to CD.
How to remember everything for exams?
Yesterday, I wondered: Does it pay to be kind?
So what if you're kind to others, will they appreciate?
Will they be kind to you in return?
But I guess whatever it is,
as long as you have done what you think is right,
at least you feel good with yourself.
Doesn't matter what you'll be getting back in return.
Agree?Labels: Reflections
s e n s e d @ 11:42 AM
Thursday, August 16, 2007
On Form
Finally finished one round of MoBio.
But I really wondered how much I can remember...
Managed to remember all 20 a.as within 1hr plus...
But I got 5 wrong when I self tested not too long ago.
Totally off-track.
Suppose to be doing past years' paper by today....
But I have yet to finish MBC and INAC...
Haven't gone through BStats lectures and tutorials.
I'm practically left with 75% of things to go through.
Shall try to finish all Metabolism tonight.
Then I'll have tomorrow for INAC and second round of revisions for the others.
If only I can go sleepless... and if it's worth it.
Good Luck to those starting their Exam tomorrow...
I feel happy helping people see the light... =)
Help XL, NS and DF just tonight itself...
s e n s e d @ 11:16 PM
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
PF, for you I'll do it.
PF tagged me in return.. and I really wanna do it just for her!
Answer the following questions.
1.(the person who tag you is ...) Pei Fenfenfen....
2.(your relationship with him/her is ...) Sister, friend, fellow cca-mate =)
3.(your 5 impressions of him/her ..) Very happy..very bubbly...Crazy! Great friend.Totally mad.
4.(the most memorable thing he/she had done for you) accompanied me to have dinner though she really wanted to go home.. touched my chin a couple of times when we said the same thing.
5.(the most memorable words he/she had said to you) "i can't speak properly when you're around.. and my legs go weak." in fact lots of things.. that make me laugh for an entire minute.
6.(if he/she becomes your lover, you will..) love her lots lots... she makes me super happy!
7.(if he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be) refrain from being so super crazy... but it's her craziness that I'll fall in love with her I suppose..
8.(if he/she becomes your enemy, you will...) i pray that it will never happen...
9. (if he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be ...) PF said: "cos i seduce Eddie Ong or Choy Weng Keong.. Haha.." hmmm.. I don't think so....
10.(the most desire thing you want to do for him/her now is ...) give her a good treat... and buy her something?
11.(your overall impression of him/her is ...) a great friend who makes me super happy!
s e n s e d @ 8:13 PM
Bingo.
Bingo.
I'm down.
Heh.
Just as I expected yesterday afternoon.
My tap is still unfixed.
My throat is coated with sand.
The exam fever is on.
Study session in school wasn't too bad...
All that's bad is my own body.
Haiz.
Had dinner at Mad Jack with Feli and Johnathan.
Thanks for asking me along!
s e n s e d @ 8:10 PM
Monday, August 13, 2007
Think over it.
Kai Hua can really talk before the sky turns dark too...
There's lots of things that he said today that made good sense...
Here's one that really sets me thinking...
There are girls who need to flirt around in order to make them feel that
their existences matter.
Not the exact wordings... but somewhere along this line...
He is really a rubbishy guy...
Anyway, revision is quite on track... though today's plan was quite messed up.
Shall make it up tonight.
But I feel like I'm getting down already.... how? It's not the time to fall sick!
Still thinking if I should go back see my results for MBC second CT...
Trying to avoid the reality.Labels: Reflections
s e n s e d @ 8:29 PM
Sunday, August 12, 2007
Questionaire
*colour coded for replies to different people who tagged me.*
List out your top 5 birthday presents that you wish for:
ONE - A few days stay back in M'sia with my mum and bro
TWO - Celebrate with my mum and bro
THREE - Be very happy on that day
FOUR - A good celebration with my friends
FIVE - well wishes from my friends
Answer the following questions.
1.(the person who tag you is ...) Donald, Alvin, Darren
2.(your relationship with him/her is ...) Friend, course-mate, fellow cca-mates
3.(your 5 impressions of him/her ..)
Donald: 1.Demanding 2.Enthu 3.Helpful 4.Crazy 5.Smart
Alvin: 1.Direct 2.Funny 3.Weird 4.Tempremental 5.Very helpful
Darren: 1.Quiet 2.Friendly 3.High 4.Keeps himself happy 5.Random
4.(the most memorable thing he/she had done for you)
Donald: sang Wu Ding, if it's for me la...
Alvin : Offered to treat me donut though I paid him..
Darren: offered me a listening ear
5.(the most memorable words he/she had said to you)
Donald: Something alone the line of telling me not to do everything myself... and it was a little like 'scolding' me..
Alvin: called me Wei San jie jie.. super funny!
Darren: it's ok...
6.(if he/she becomes your lover, you will..)
Donald: hahaha.... err... I don't know... love him. or else why be lovers?
Alvin: he's blissfully attached!!
Darren: he's attached!
7.(if he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be)
Donald: stop having weird sleeping habits.
Alvin: be more tactful?
Darren: to be more optimistic.
8.(if he/she becomes your enemy, you will...) ignore him.
9. (if he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be ...) there's lots of possibilities, most prob misunderstandings...
10.(the most desire thing you want to do for him/her now is ...)
Donald: tell him not to be disheartened... over results.
Alvin: tell him not to be so stressed... over competitive people...
Darren: tell him to jia you to get good grades.
11.(your overall impression of him/her is ...)
Donald: Capable.
Alvin: super fast learner
Darren: quiet
12.(how you think people around you will feel about you?) lifeless, blur.
13.(the character you love of yourself are ...) decisive during critical moments.
14.(on the contrary, the characters you hate of yourself are ...) pessimistic
15.(the most ideal person you want to be is ...) to be more optimistic
16.(for people that care and like you, say something to them ..) Thanks for all the care and concern, it is very much appreciated... your presence make a difference in my life.
17.(pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wish to know how they feel about you)
1. Valerie (whom i doubt has the time to do it)
2. Pei Fen
3. Nian Shun
4. Hui Xian
5. Joel
6. Darren
7. S.C
8. Abe
9. Felicia (if you don't mind =) )
10. Wen Ping
11.(who is no.6 having relationship with?) Yi Ting
12.(Is no.9 a male or female?) female
13.(If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?) they are not lesbians!
14.(How about no.8 and 5?) no. 8 is attached... and that is impossible
15.(What is no.2 studying about?) molecular biotechnology
16.(When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?) hmm.. on Friday,10 Aug
17.(What kind of music band does no.8 like?) sentimentals... nice songs..
18.(Does no.1 has any siblings?) a younger sister
19.(Will you woo no.3?) no... he's just like a younger brother to me.
20.(How about no.7?) She's my Da Jie! and I'm straight...
21.(Is no.4 single?) sure is...
22.(What's the surname of no.5?) See
23.(What's the hobby of no.4?) err... I don't really know.. manx... she likes to hang out with friends... involve in her taekwando..
24.(Do no.5 and 9 get along well?) haha.. yup. why not?
25.(Where is no.2 studying at?) Ngee Ann Poly
26.(Talk something casually about no.1) I miss you lots babe!
27.(Have you try developing feelings for no.8?) told you i'm straight!
28.(Where does no.9 live at?) Hougang.
29.(What color does no.4 like?) Orange!
30.(Are no.5 and 1 best friends?) they don't know each other...
31.(Does no.7 likes no.2?) hahaha... I think so... as in friend friend... as girls.
32.(How do you get to know no.2?) GL...
33.(Does no.1 have any pets?): nope.
34.(Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?) my da jie is sexy!Labels: Character
s e n s e d @ 11:06 AM
Saturday, August 11, 2007
Losing IT
Aunt is leaving for Shanghai in the morning...
In fact, in a few hours time.
For business purpose.
She'll only be back on Tuesday.
Someway I'm happy.
Cause there'll be nobody to rush me to sleep at night...
Or wake me up early in the morning...
But maybe it won't be good...
Maybe I'll just end up playing all the time...
Which is what I have been doing.
But not like her presence will really stop me from doing that now...
Lately she has been quite relaxed..
Don't know why.
Anyway, I think Rush Hour 3 is pretty entertaining...
Quite worth my money.. at least I feel happy.
I think I am slowly losing my discipline to study...
How?
Haiz...
I'm beginning to feel that hard work does not pay off as much as you think it will...
Serious.
Today is my Xiao Di's birthday.
Happy Birthday Andy!
I think we have a funny relationship.
We call each other brother and sister... but, we rarely talk.
But at least I don't feel like we are strangers...
Some friendship is very amazing.
It's like you don't need to have everyday contact and communication, but the ease and comfort is always there...
I guess that is how it's like between him and I...
9th year of knowing him...Labels: Reflections
s e n s e d @ 12:15 AM
Thursday, August 09, 2007
Just what am I?
I really wonder what I am to my so-called friends.
Sometimes I feel that they turn up for something because I asked them to.
Or rather, because they feel bad.
I don't want it to be like that.
I hate that.
But some are sweet.
Maybe they are just being nice to me.
I think I should just be alone.
Yeah, you may say I am emo-ing.
Just let me be!
Like I can be happy if I don't be frank with how I am feeling.
Why do I have to supress my feelings just because you tell me not to, just because people don't feel comfortable knowing that someone is emo?
Irritating s**t.Labels: Feelings
s e n s e d @ 10:31 PM
Tuesday, August 07, 2007
Waste Time
Talking about how I spent 5 hours sitting under an air-con vent waiting for my number to be served at some building really makes my blood boil.
Firstly, I could have gone to a nearby shopping center and take my own sweet time to shop before coming back and it still might not be my turn yet.
Decided against it cause shopping alone is lonely and quite meaningless.
So I sat there, freezing, waiting. Doing nothing.
It is a COMPLETE WASTE OF MY TIME.
Thought that I had finally finished the common tests, furthermore I didn't sleep much last night, I can finally have a free afternoon to rest.
But there I was.
Being so super miserable.
Not able to do anything.
Not able to sleep cause it isn't a very nice thing to do in the presence of 100 over people.
I met a cute couple.
Not very young but humorous people. The man is a Canadian. The wife is funny.
Quite well to do people.
A mother and her son.
I suppose the son is quite an obedient boy.
A female poly student.
She's pretty. At least prettier than me.
But it's really irritating sitting next to her.
She shakes non-stop. Her legs.
Sometimes she puts one on the other like forming a tower and starts shaking.
Sometimes she taps or rather beat them on the floor like her legs are a pair of drum sticks.
That is something that really turns people off on top of the way she talks.
She's not at all polite.. cause she uses 'd**n' and other not very nice words when talking to total strangers.
Ok, I know, I'm being very impolite to talk of her in such a manner.
I practically wasted my entire day.
And MBC paper.
I suppose I can pass.
But not perform well.Labels: Reflections
s e n s e d @ 10:05 PM
Monday, August 06, 2007
Care for me and watch me die
I realized that there are really people out there who care for me.
So, my existence does matter to them.
I am happy.
I am not unhappy.
I just tend to let small unhappiness swallow me and tend to give in and be pessimistic.
But today.
I'm not.
Though I spent hours playing games, sleeping, slacking when I am suppose to be studying hard for tomorrow's MBC test.
Which I should try to score my best in order to do not too badly for the module overall.
But why force myself when I can't focus.
Shall go without sleep tonight.
That will do the trick.
I'm happy with my MoBio practical test results.
Though I lost unnecessary marks...
But it's a boost for my confidence.
Am finally scoring not too badly.
Alright...
Good Luck to everyone trying to get all the metabolism cycles into their head... which I wonder what cycle goes on inside...
Just watch how I die for tomorrow's paper...Labels: Feelings
s e n s e d @ 5:53 PM
Sunday, August 05, 2007
Vertical Limit
I really can't focus in day light.
Pitch Darkness with flouroscent light is the best.
I feel extremely tired.
But when I take time to sleep.
I can't.
When I finally settle down for a short nap.
People around me just cannot cooperate.
Talk on the phone for hours, watch tv with high volume.
Argh.
I wonder when I will reach my limit.
Vertical Limit is a pretty good movie.Labels: Reflections
s e n s e d @ 4:45 PM
Saturday, August 04, 2007
Day Out
Went for check-up alone.
Shopped and roamed alone.
I think I am a loser.
Studying MBC can really Kill.
s e n s e d @ 5:07 PM
Gifts.
Gifts.
Everyone loves giving me Pigeons.Labels: Feelings
s e n s e d @ 12:26 AM
Wednesday, August 01, 2007
Wash Eye Balls
MoBio was alright....
I'm quite glad that I didn't sacrifice much sleeping time to study for it...
One more to go this friday...
I have half a day tomorrow to try to make the best out of it...
Took the long walking way home cause I had decided that it's not worth wasting time waiting for buses when I can reach faster by walking a longer distance.
It's bad to be without my mp3, because I ended singing to myself all the way home...
Anyway, just as I had lots going through my mind in my bath just now...
Was foaming my facial cleanser... just as I was about to place it on my face.
Splash.. I closed my eyes too late.. and washed my eye balls too.
How clean can I get?
On top of that, my cleanser is that sort that gives tinkling feeling.. like mint.
Imagine the sting in your eyes...
I thought I was going blind.
Anyway, the main thing is:
Is Attention to be Given or do you have to Seek for it?
Do we really have to do things in a certain manner to gain people's attention or do we just have to do things as normal, and people will give you the due attention that you deserve?
It's a complex thing.
Some people are not lack of attention. Which I am very sure of.
But they behave in a way that is obviously seeking for attention.
Is there really such a need?
Maybe I should learn to be like that as well...
To seek for some attention.
But I suppose I should seek for comfort...
It's something I've been craving for...
All these years.
Now I am suppose to be going on to study for BioStats but I ended up helping someone with his MBC basic calculations...
Sometimes I wonder am I really doing it for the wrong course?
Does anyone even appreciate me?Labels: Reflections
s e n s e d @ 11:51 PM
Tagged by Darren [GL]
Please read the rules first :Each player starts off the game by giving 6 weird things about themselves.People who get tagged needs to write in a blog of their own 6 weird things about themselves as well as stating the rules clearly.In the end you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.
1) I prefer washing my clothes with shower foam instead of washing powder.
2) I like the smell of dried mushroom.
3) I like my notes and books to be neatly utilized but my books and things are all over the place.
4) I cry easily.
5) I can eat an entire bowl (quite a big bowl) of cold grapes late at night before sleeping.
6) I must have food intake not long before I get up but have very little intake for dinner.
As for tagging people to do it...
Have decided not to do so.
Whoever finds it interesting may just post 6 weird habits of theirs on their blog...
Labels: Character
s e n s e d @ 11:55 AM
