Monday, September 19, 2005
I'm down...
'You're not alone'
Yes, indeed I'm not alone going through all these paper scribbling activities just to determine your intelligence.
I'm down.
I'm drained.
I'm defeated.
I'm disheartened.
I feel like giving up.
I'm tired.
What's wrong with it being tough in my opinion.
'Why always bad' you asked.
Why can't it be bad?!
It's bad because I'm one of the stupid idiots who can't make it.
I'm a gonner, don't you just know that?
You said 'people think highly of you, but you look down on yourself'
'Nothing's wrong with that, is there?' was my very direct reply.
What's wrong with looking down on myself?
Even you replied 'nothing's wrong.'
So what's the problem with you?
You said 'just do your best'
But my best is never able to achieve what you had silently thought to be.
I'm a big disappointment, am I not?
Have you ever wonder why do I have such low self esteem?
Because no matter how well I've done since young was never good enough.
Perfections is what you ask of me.
But I'm terribly flawed.
I have no confidence.
I feel hopeless.
What say you?
SO what if I meet up to my own expections.
Yours for me are never met.
Yes, I live for myself.
But it seems I'm your puppet.
Your reflections of how well you have taken care of me.
Am I already not good enough?
On the whole I'm well behaved.
Grades. Average. At least not below average.
I wished that sometimes you'll just kill me.
I don't feel moving at all...
I just wanna stone and turn into a fossil.
And everything will be of no significance to me anymore.
Better still if you can let me disintegrate into thin air.
How about Autolysis?
s e n s e d @ 7:16 PM
