Sunday, September 30, 2007
Suffocated.
Don't ask why...
I feel Lost all of a sudden.
Breathing seems to take a little more effort than usual.
I feel like there's super lots to do.
In fact there is A LOT.
But I have no idea where to start from. Argh!
One of the most dreaded assignment is DBG's.
He expect us to have photos of our family members, not just direct family,
and do up a genetic pedigree.
Why doesn't he seem to understand that in the present society,
there are many complicated families?
That this simple task is actually a sky high expectation?
Even if he managed to make us do the assignment for that whatever percentage of marks.
he will never get a true pedigree...
So what's the point? Make us go through the pain of being reminded that we do not have a very normal family?
Something is very wrong with me lately.
And I suspect that one of the factors is that I'm being reminded of my family status.
But it's not my fault.
Many things in life, we have no choice.
All that we can do is to adapt and accept.
So what if we can't? Life goes on.
Just let me have high fever for a day or two...
Have some quality sleep...
Maybe I'll be better.Labels: Feelings
s e n s e d @ 8:24 PM
Friday, September 28, 2007
Yet has arrived.
Love being with my 'sisters'.
They make my day.
:)
First time going to Snow City.
A super cold place... could feel my fingers freezing despite having gloves on.
I even wore double layer!
Guess I'm really a person who can't withstand low temperature.
Part 1 of lunch.
The 4 of us were so sisterly!
Shared 2 bowls of Pontain Wanton Mee.
Yummy... taste especially good when sharing.
People must be thinking we're mad.
We're just being loving. heh.
Our only 'brother'.
He's kinda weird sometimes...
but he makes lots of sense too.
He stands by justice.
Part 2 of lunch
Chicken wings at Ikea... potato salad...
Yummy.
I really eat a lot. =P
Walked around the entire Ikea...
I think we looked at almost every single item available.
Lots of laughters...
If only all the 9 siblings were present....
But we sure did miss them.
It's rather hard to find the pair of Nike shoes I want at Queensway.
When it's finally found, the size I wear is out of stock.
But I can wear a UK4.5. Too fitting though.
Hmmm... no money to buy it today anyway.
Anyway, bad news came when we were shopping at Ikea.
I've been trying my best to hold onto French.
Refusing to give up as long as my timetable permits.
Though I really feel very tired at times...
having to stay till 8pm though my day started in school at 8am.
I haven't even given up on it,
but the school has given up on us.
The 3rd level class is cancelled.
Due to insufficient students.
There goes my Diploma in Foreign Language as well..
Self learn?
Maybe I'll do just that.
Labels: Outing
s e n s e d @ 10:21 PM
Thursday, September 27, 2007
You can't always get what you want
Argh!!!!!!!
I just feel like screaming my lungs out!
Despite all the fun I was getting...
The concerns from my friends...
I just can't really pull myself up, Yet.
Can't get what I really wanted.
Now I'm stuck with something I wish to get later...
When you get something that you want too soon,
not at the timing that you wish.
It doesn't seem appealing at all.
The following song fits perfectly:
Rolling Stones-
You can't always get what you want
I saw her today at a reception
A glass of wine in her hand
I knew she would meet her connection
At her feet was her footloose man
No, you can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
And if you try sometime you find
You get what you need
I saw her today at the reception
A glass of wine in her hand
I knew she was gonna meet her connection
At her feet was her footloose man
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you might find
You get what you need
Oh yeah, hey hey hey, oh...
And I went down to the demonstration
To get my fair share of abuse
Singing, "We're gonna vent our frustration
If we don't we're gonna blow a 50-amp fuse"
Sing it to me now...
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes well you just might find
You get what you need
Oh baby, yeah, yeah!
I went down to the Chelsea drugstore
To get your prescription filled
I was standing in line with Mr. Jimmy
And man, did he look pretty ill
We decided that we would have a soda
My favorite flavor, cherry redI sung my song to Mr. Jimmy
Yeah, and he said one word to me, and that was "dead"
I said to him
You can't always get what you want, no!
You can't always get what you want (tell ya baby)
You can't always get what you want (no)
But if you try sometimes you just might findYou get what you need
Oh yes! Woo!
You get what you need--yeah, oh baby!
Oh yeah!
I saw her today at the reception
In her glass was a bleeding man
She was practiced at the art of deception
Well I could tell by her blood-stained hands
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You just might find
You get what you need
You can't always get what you want (no, no baby)
You can't always get what you want
You can't always get what you want
But if you try sometimes you just might find
You just might find
You get what you need, ah yes...
I guess this is what happens when hormones are running low in your body system...
and there's insufficient intake of Omega 3 and Omega 6?Labels: Feelings
s e n s e d @ 3:16 PM
Monday, September 24, 2007
Rotten
Feeling super lousy.
Stuck at home for the weekend.
Feel so much wanting to get out.
To have some fresh air but no company.
I just feel like tearing my heart apart.
Yes,
there are things that can be done alone and at home.
But I had been reading books the entire weekend during the day.
My eyes felt like they are going blind.
My back felt like it's going to break into 2 halves from the still positions.
There isn't much inspiration for photo shooting at home.
Apart from the autumn like tree opposite.
Flipped my life upside-down.
Stayed up late online till 4 - 5 am doing don't know what.
Sleep till almost 10 or 11 in the morning.
Life feels meaningless.
I spent an entire hour going through my CDs, packed them into boxes
Stooped in the toilet washing my back for an entire hour.
Now.
Blasting my speaker with Jap songs.
Long holidays are really quite a waste of time.
Leaving you to rot.
When you're almost totally rotten then it's time to get back to school.
Argh.
Hate my life being like that.
If not waiting for people to ask me out.
Then it's facing the screens.
Or the 4 walls.Labels: Feelings
s e n s e d @ 1:46 PM
Friday, September 21, 2007
bringing one life to the world ends one life
s e n s e d @ 2:15 AM
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Emo Cat
What a day.
Lots of warm up exercises before I reached school.
Ran for a bus.
Waited for no bus and decided to walk to school from KAP.
And I saw buses leaving me walking at my fastest possible speed on the opposite road.
At least I wasn't late.
PT. Alright...
Campus run. Alright...
Games. Alright...
Safety. Safety. Safety.
Something got over me...
I was aware that my face had taken over a dark shade.
Though it was rosy.
Never had that in a long long time.
Haha... my best pal, Val knows me best.
She could imagine how I looked with that face.
I must have looked horrible...
that I scared somebody.
Meeting Val tomorrow...
I can't wait...
It's been months.. since March.
I really don't understand myself.
I would rather show the entire world my black face,
then to say the reason out.
Thanks to those who were concerned.
Was a little bored by the on-looking job the entire day.
I would rather be the one working...
Labels: Feelings, GL
s e n s e d @ 12:55 AM
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
96C
It's not easy when you want to meet up with all your friends...
You need to make an effort to do it.
Anyway, it's Xiao Bao's birthday today!
Happy Birthday...
though I know she won't be reading this...
not many of my Cedar friends will be anyway.
It was LS who sms-ed to ask me along to give Xiao Bao a surprise.
Thinking that I'm having my holidays... why not?
It's always nice to give people a little surprise, isn't it?
LS and I searched for a non-existing place.
Haha... fortunately we managed to get to her place...
LS argh.. cannot so blur la!
Lots more to talk about... shall update more tomorrow.
Labels: Bday, Outing
s e n s e d @ 11:37 PM
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Pressure
Dinner at Esplanade's No Sign Board Seafood.
It was costly.
A treat by my uncle,
as a form of sending my soon to be leaving scholar cousin.
My aunt said that the next time if I am able to get a scholarship,
she'll book 4 tables at the same place.
Uncle said to make it 5 instead.
See?
They are adding pressure on me.
To be the next one.
I'm not smart...
don't they get it?
Went to Vivo City in the afternoon...
Passed by Build-A-Bear shop.
Never knew that they had a shop!
Cause I only saw the promotion of such a concept at United Square not too long ago.
I am totally in Love!
All those cute little bears... accessories... clothings for the bear.
Aunt wanted to get me one as a reward for my results.
But it's no longer a surprise...
It would be different if she had gone back another day to get one instead of asking me to choose one myself.
Right?
So I rejected.
But deep in my heart I thought,
if I had a bf, and he made one for me...
that would be very very sweet of him.
But it'll be too expensive.
A bear itself cost around $20+
the clothes is another $20+.
A simple basic clothed one will sum up to about $50!
Another thought crossed my mind,
I wish I can work in that shop...
Maybe I should keep a look out.
I think I will never grow up....
with all my liking for such kiddy things....
and I wish that I will never grow up.Labels: Reflections
s e n s e d @ 10:21 PM
Journey of the Heart
Result slip arrived much earlier than expected.
She didn't seem to be happy or what.
She didn't say if it's good or not.
It is really so hard for her to have a word of praise for me?
Anyway it's not like I will treasure her praising.
Whatever I do will never be good enough.
Just because I didn't get any Distinctions?
I doubt she'll be very pleased even if I managed to get all Distinctions.
The paper chase.
Sometimes I wish I am not involved.
But it's too late to say that.
I am one of those superficial souls
who was moulded to have the mentality that good grades get you far in life,
give you lots of opportunities.
But that is how the world is functioning, isn't it?
Happen to come across a very touching movie on the Hallmark channel today.
Journey of the Heart.
Story of a single mother who has 2 sons.
One being blind and autistic, the other normal.
The born special son has a special ability to play any songs that he listens to on the piano.
She struggled to give him the best to prove to others that he is not an 'idiot'...
On the journey to school today.
I sat near the driver's seat.
One of those parallel seat.
I started to look at the uncle seated opposite me...
Then the auntie who was seated a few seats away...
The young guy who was quite fashionably dressed... he was biting his fingers with his brows tightly knotted.
I begun to wonder what they were thinking about.
I don't know why but I really like observing people... and will eventually try to read their thoughts.
Good or bad?
Right or wrong?
Just what is right and what is wrong?
What is good or bad?
It all lies within yourself.Labels: Reflections
s e n s e d @ 2:33 AM
Friday, September 14, 2007
Bits and Pieces
Like A.C said,
my worries had been unnecessary.
He had lots of confidence in me...
just like a few of my friends.
It really sets me wondering what is it in me that makes others have confidence in me,
when my conscious mind has none for myself.
He said that it's because I've proved my worth.
How did I do it? When did I do it?
No need for that excuse that I thought up.
Aunt shall be a happy person on Monday when the result slip arrives.
But I really don't know what to do seeing my friends upset.
All I can say is that I'll work hard with them next semester... try my best to help them.
French result isn't that good.
But since the core modules are well done,
it doesn't matter that much...
but should really give it a little more attention for the up-coming level.
Shopping for a guy is not easy.
Especially shopping for a guy I don't know well and the item in mind is a scarf.
Shopped on behalf of my aunt for my cousin, who will be flying off to UK on scholarship.
Smart guy.
I wonder if I had the chance to be like him.
To be sponsored to study overseas, come back and have a job ready for me.
Anyway, it's so hard to find scarf for men!
Hunted high and low...
Fortunately managed to a quite classy looking one at Isetan's Springfield.
Bought a futon at JL.
Haven't tried it yet.
But maybe I'll sleep well from tonight onwards, just like what Feli said.
Feli,
thanks for walking up and down with me...
for helping me to carry the futon too... it's not at all light!
I am not a person who is good at consoling others.
I feel helpless when someone comes crying or tell me of their pain.
The things I said in return were mixed with fear.
Fear that I will hurt them and prick on their wounds.
The thing I do best is to listen.
But why do some people wallow in self pity?
I don't blame them.
It's because it gets so painful and nobody else seem to care,
you'll just end up self pitying.
I tried to help.
You just sink deeper in.
You demand so much that I cannot give.
I couldn't bear to leave you like that when I easily could.
Your wish is simple. But I can't fulfill them. So what do you expect me to do?
I just pray that life will treat you better as the days go by...Labels: Dedications, Reflections
s e n s e d @ 10:14 PM
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Snippets
Congrats to Nian Shun for getting into the finals.
Jia You for fianls... Bon Chance.
It was a fruitful day to go down to support.
Though the board we made was not of high quality and good design.
But it's good that you like it.
Though it was kinda funny to have almost everyone at the scene to turn back to look at us when the board was lifted... but I felt proud to be your supporter!
On top of that... managed to have some good time with PF,YL,Jo and MK.
More food quests together!
I seek for conversations online.
With Strangers.
Why is it that people just don't see the enrichment and fufillment in having good conversations?
I realised that one thing that I would really like in my guy is to be able to communicate well with me.
The feeling of being able to talk about certain topics or issues not just on the surface feels really good.
Voices
I am attracted to nice voices...
I guess that is partly why I like to work as a telemarketer.
Chalet
Got that really quite late.
But thanks to all who were so concerned... kept food for us... cooked for us.
Frankly it's one of the rare bbqs that I have attended and was being served instead of serving others.
My heart felt warm knowing that others have concerns for me, taking me into considerations, be it in the simpliest manner.
Though it was just an entire night that we spent together, talking around a square table with 3 cups of beetle grape syrup, bbq food... we sure had lots of laughters and fun.
The night exploration of Pasir Ris Park.
Feels good doesn't it...
Never, or as far as I can remember, had I taken up the role of a welfare in GL.
But I did yesterday.
I can't say that I did a very good job... I didn't get high with them.... didn't make them high... can't get them to bond a lot.
But I did care for them.
Never expected of them to thank me during the sharing of how they felt for the training.
Could be due to influences of the person who spoke previously, but it sure did feel good to be appreciated. Thank You....
But I must say it's all everyone's efforts...
XL is right, we shouldn't always stick to the same old thing that we do... we should try something else at times.
But I do miss doing preparation works...
Results will be out tomorrow...
My heart is filled with anxiety.
I am prepared for the worst...
An explanation to my aunt for that kind of result.
Gosh... but the thought of it makes me feel a shart pain in my heart.Labels: Feelings, Reflections
s e n s e d @ 1:45 PM
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Sun's Kisses
A tan?
Maybe a little over did it.
A little burnt?
Maybe it's more than a little.
I'm red.
From the sun 'tan'.
The sun has been good! Love it!
My shoulders are red and so is my entire back.
Never sleep on a heat trapping sofa when you have sun burnt back.
You'll wake up like you've rubbed chili on your skin.
Anyway, right after the swimming,
when Feli and I were walking past this gelato shop at United Square,
this group of middle age ladies stared at me like I was some kind of creature.
Even Feli asked me why they stared at me.
When I took a bus home after work,
I thought I saw the bus driver waved and smile at me.
Funny.
I can't hear what he said cause I had my ears plugged.
Just now, I went to the NTUC at my place,
this guy in smart attire stared at me also.
Is it really a rare sight to see someone this red?
Ha, maybe I look pretty with these red cheeks.
Whatever it is,
never stare at someone...
if they look a little unusual,
look at them and smile instead!Labels: Feelings
s e n s e d @ 12:31 AM
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Sell your house?
I like evening job!
Seriously do... cause I'll have the day time to myself to do whatever I want.
That job is not bad...
Pay is pretty good as well.
But it's hard to perform well.
How often do people sell their property and move houses?
Some old folks are really nice to chat with.
But I've been rather mean to those I have at home.
Not on purpose.
It's just that we're all busy with our own life...
What gets on my nerve is that when I'm all tired and defeated.
I am expected to get things done.
In the process, I'll have to waste lots of time troubleshooting certain things and not get anything done in the end.
What happens after that is that the person asking for 'favour' gets irritated, angry or whatever.
It's not as if I've not tried my best or I had purposely spoiled the thing.
Haiz.
Whatever you think.
Just as long as my mattress provide me with a night of good rest.Labels: Feelings
s e n s e d @ 10:29 PM
Monday, September 03, 2007
P&C
Job hunt had never been this successful...
Got ourselves a job early in the morning.
Got another right after attending the next interview.
Isn't that good?
Oh ya... to think of it... I should also give Shine an email, shouldn't I?
But I am afraid that I cannot meet the mark...
Let's just see how first..
Ended up at Central...
Hunted high and low for a cake shop...
Found a shop selling only Tweety bird apparels.
You cannot imagine how thrilled I was.
Best of all... sale is going on.
How I felt like buying almost every design...
But there's always self control to be exercised.
Feli,
hope you enjoyed that $5 muffin...
felt like I forced you into it... hope there's no regrets...
at least we get to enter such a classy place, isn't it?
get a feel of how high class high tea is like.. hahaha
thanks for walking around with me!
We sure did walk quite a lot!
Thanks! Really!Labels: Dedications, Outing
s e n s e d @ 9:44 PM
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Patience
Thanks to Christle and Feli for coming...
Hope you both enjoyed yourselves.
Hope mom will like the present I prepared for her.
Felt really over the moon when I received Mr. P's reply.
He is one teacher who had made a great impact in my life.
Got myself a green shirt from P&B.
My first green shirt.
Like Christle said: Taking the first step.
Spent lots of time on travelling today.
From home to Tampines,
From Tampines to Harbour Front via Kovan.
And I think I must say that I have quite a large amount of patience.
I am bothered to travel by buses,
no matter how long I have to wait for the bus to come and how long the travelling journey will be.
It's a total different case for my aunt.
Went to the IT Comex fair with her on Fri,
decided to take the Suntec shuttle service to City Hall and change to the Central shuttle to pursue pretty lovely cakes.
Waited for quite a while for the Suntec shuttle,
But she got fed-up after waiting for about 15min for the Central shuttle service, partly because she was feeling hungry as well.
Off we left, and headed to take a bus home.
Waited for 40 min before the bus turned up, but it didn't allow any passenger to board, because it was packed.
Finally took train home instead.
I don't know why but I felt like laughing when I saw how frustrated my aunt was.
The one who had been out the entire day was me, walked the entire day was me, and suffering from muscle aches.
Seriously I don't see the need to get so worked up.
Felt happy to be back in Cedar,
and one thing that made me really happy was to be spending time with PY again.
I had thought that we had drifted, but really, the bond of friendships is a very special thing.
Had a chance to talk to Miss T too.... oh.. how I really miss her.
School is really different now...
The atmosphere is different.
Thanks Feli,
for accompanying me back in school...
for walking up and down the same route in Bugis from the A'n'BC to BHG, vice versa.
felt quite bad about it...
Patience is a virtue...
Introduction
Eat Crab
Word of Thanks Labels: Dedications, Reflections
s e n s e d @ 12:50 AM
